The Power to Change: Reclaiming the Self from a Borrowed Life

There was a time when I believed I was just having fun. I wasn’t hurting anybody. I wasn’t out of control, at least not in a way I could see. I was working, surviving, and surrounded by people who looked like they were doing the same thing I was—partying, laughing, drinking, and drifting.

But over time, that “fun” began to erode everything good in my life—relationships, opportunities, self-respect—and I didn’t even see it happening. That’s the danger of a life lived on autopilot: you don't recognize you’re lost until something inside you wakes up.

I was 28 years old when it hit me—an unshakable moment of clarity in my apartment, alone and sober.

It wasn’t a breakdown. It wasn’t rock bottom. I just realized I wasn’t the man I was meant to be. That night, I gathered up everything in my apartment that had defined my identity—my trophies, jazz albums, weapons, souvenirs from overseas—and I threw them away. Not out of regret, but because I saw clearly for the first time: those things were props in a story I no longer believed in.

They weren’t me. They were artifacts of the person I had been conditioned to become.

I had been shaped by environments—good and bad. A stable upbringing, military discipline, but also the buzz of club life, the casual normalcy of drinking and smoking, the influence of friends whose lives were unraveling. And each object in my home, each habit in my routine, reinforced that false identity.

Even the earring I wore—something I’d once proudly claimed as self-expression—became a daily, unconscious reminder of who I thought I was. We become the environments we do not challenge. And if we’re not careful, we will let our surroundings do all our deciding for us.

But here’s the truth: we are not our past.

We are not our trophies, our addictions, our failures, or even our friends. We are not our tattoos, our playlists, or our mistakes. We are the sum of what we choose to keep and what we choose to let go.

When I let go of that old self, I created space for something new. And it didn’t happen overnight. It took work, reflection, courage, and sacrifice. I had to part ways with people I loved. I had to avoid familiar places that felt like home. I had to replace not just habits, but the meanings behind them. And in time, I didn’t just become someone different—I became someone real.

Today, decades later, I live a life I couldn’t have imagined back then. I’m sober. I’m fulfilled. I’m blessed with a loving family, a sense of peace, and a life that reflects my values—not my impulses. But I didn’t get here by luck. I got here by recognizing that my subconscious was running the show—and that I had to interrupt the script.

Most people don’t live consciously. We’re shaped from birth by what we see, hear, and experience. Our identities are often inherited, not chosen. But once we realize this, we can take it back. We can build a new environment that redefines us. We can break cycles by refusing to reinforce them. We can become the kind of people we were always meant to be—free, clear, whole.

The power to change isn’t magic. It’s not found in willpower alone. It starts with a question: What in my life is keeping me from being who I want to be? And then it demands action—often painful, often lonely, but always worth it.

This isn’t just a story about addiction. It’s about identity. It’s about letting go of the props and stepping into your purpose. It’s about knowing that the life you want already exists—but you have to let go of the one that’s holding you back.

Interpretation

This message is about personal agency—the ability to reclaim control over one's life by recognizing the subconscious influences shaping it. It addresses the silent, often unnoticed process by which people accept self-definitions built on unhealthy experiences, social pressure, or distraction, and shows how conscious transformation begins with awareness and courageous detachment.

Analysis

In a society flooded with noise, distractions, and identity templates served by media, peer groups, and trauma, this message speaks to a universal hunger: the need to know who we really are beyond the chaos. It resonates across all walks of life, especially with those who feel stuck in patterns they didn’t consciously choose.

Whether it’s substance use, toxic relationships, financial instability, or quiet self-doubt, the real enemy is unconscious living. This is not just a spiritual battle; it's psychological, environmental, and deeply human.

Life Application

Ask yourself: Are you living a life you chose—or one that happened to you?You have the power to take inventory of your environment, your habits, and even your possessions. What in your daily surroundings reinforces the version of yourself you're trying to outgrow? You don’t need to wait for a crisis or a rock bottom.

Change can start today—with one decision, one act of removal, one bold choice to let go of what no longer serves you.

You are not trapped. You are not too far gone. You’re not too old, too late, or too broken. The future is still yours to shape, but first you must unclench your grip on the false identity you’ve carried for too long. And when you do, the freedom, joy, and clarity that come—will feel like the life you were always meant to live.

Self-Assessment Questions

1. What objects or habits in your life subtly reinforce an identity you want to outgrow?

2. Have you ever traced your biggest mistakes or setbacks to common influences like people, substances, or environments?

3. What would it look like for you to “clean out your apartment”—literally or metaphorically?

4. Are you still surrounding yourself with people who support the old version of you?

5. What kind of person do you want to become—and what does your current environment say about your readiness to get there?

   
   

Course of Action: Steps to Reclaim Your Life and Identity

Transformation doesn't begin with perfection—it begins with awareness and intentional action. If this message resonated with you, consider the following practical steps to start reshaping your life from the inside out:

1. Take Inventory of Your Environment

Look around your home, your social media feed, your habits. Ask: Do these things support the person I want to become—or the person I used to be? Remove items, triggers, or relationships that no longer serve your growth.

2. Identify the Pattern

Make a list of your most difficult life moments—poor decisions, lost opportunities, regrets—and look for patterns. What were the common influences? Were substances involved? Certain people? Emotional states? Write it down. Naming the pattern is the first step to breaking it.

3. Create a Clean Space for the New You

Physically and mentally clear space for your growth. This may mean getting rid of old memorabilia, stopping certain behaviors, or even taking a break from people who constantly remind you of the person you're leaving behind.

4. Define the Person You Want to Become

Be specific. Not just "better" or "successful"—but what kind of daily life do you want? What values do you want to live by? What do you want people to feel when they’re around you? Write this vision down and revisit it weekly.

5. Build a Reinforcing Environment

Your subconscious learns through repetition. Surround yourself with books, music, people, visuals, routines, and affirmations that reflect your new identity. What you see and hear repeatedly, you will begin to believe and become.

6. Develop a Replacement Routine

Don’t just remove unhealthy habits—replace them. If you’re cutting off drinking, replace that evening drink with tea, a walk, or journaling. If you stop going out, start inviting positive routines into those hours. Replace the vacuum with purpose.

7. Set Boundaries and Stick to Them

If people or places pull you back into the identity you’re trying to shed, distance yourself. You can love people and still outgrow them. Protect your mind and your momentum. You owe no one an explanation for saving your own life.

8. Be Patient but Consistent

Change is not a performance. You’ll have hard days. But don’t quit. Remind yourself why you started. Celebrate small wins. Every sober day, every act of discipline, every time you say no to the old you—you're building the life you were born to live.

Final Reminder: You are not powerless. You are not your past. You are not who the world told you to be. You are a blank canvas—still being written, still unfolding. And you have the divine right to create a life of purpose, clarity, and peace.

The question now is simple:

Will you choose it?

Gleaning Wisdom Beyond Belief

You know, when I was an atheist for about 10 years — after leaving home at age 17 to join the military — I wasn’t mad at religious people. Not at all. In fact, even as an atheist, I still embraced many biblical principles. After all, you can’t argue with goodness, love, and treating people right. These are universal truths, and I tried to live by them, even during that chapter of my life.

From a young age, I was also drawn deeply into philosophy — particularly Chinese philosophy — probably because I was a martial artist and immersed myself in that world early on. I found inspiration in thinkers like Lin Yutang, whose book The Importance of Living, written around the 1920s or 30s, profoundly shaped how I saw life.

Another powerful influence was Viktor Frankl’s Man’s Search for Meaning — his reflections on surviving the Holocaust and the deep insight he gained through suffering and survival left an indelible mark on me.

That’s why I find it amazing — and a bit sad — when I see people reject everything contained in the Bible simply because they have an issue with Christianity as an institution. I have a buddy like that. He rejects the Christian God outright. But not long ago, he was enthusiastically sharing with me about the Tibetan Book of the Dead and how much he embraces its teachings. I just smiled and thought, "What’s the difference?" Both are human attempts to understand life, death, meaning, and purpose.

It’s the same when I see Muslims or others who try to recruit me into their belief systems. My response is simple: Why would I trade one religious structure for another? It’s not about the religion itself. It’s about the wisdom you can find if you have eyes to see it.

Getting back to philosophy and holy books — there’s so much good stuff in them. The issue isn’t the books. It’s the rigid control, the manipulation, and the misuse of religion by leaders who use fear and guilt to dominate people’s lives. The texts themselves often contain deep, beautiful truths — if you’re willing to read them for the message, not just the history.

Even when I speak in churches today, and referencing the Bible, I’m not necessarily claiming that every story literally happened. That’s not the point. It’s about the message — the moral lessons that can shape our lives for the better.

It’s like reading Aesop’s fables. Did the tortoise and the hare really have a race? Of course not. But the lessons — persistence, humility, not underestimating others — are timeless.

We don’t stop telling those stories just because they aren’t factually “true.” We share them because the truth within them is deeper than fact — it’s about principles that guide a better life.

That’s why I encourage people — especially those feeling stuck, disillusioned, or unfulfilled — to start exploring philosophy books and holy texts with an open heart. Don’t worry so much about whether you believe every historical detail. Ask yourself instead: Can I glean something valuable from this for my life?

Today, my life is about 99.9% drama-free. I’m happy, at peace, and moving forward.But I look around and see so many people living in quiet misery, refusing to search for answers.

Well — I’m giving you an answer right now:Start feeding your mind and spirit with the good. Seek out the wisdom. Gravitate toward what uplifts, strengthens, and liberates you — and reject anything that poisons your heart.

If you do, you’ll be amazed at how your attitude will begin to change. And when your attitude changes, your life will follow.

Take it from me — I know.

Hereditary Illness or Hereditary Habits? A Different Way to Think About Health

Too often, we react to challenges by choosing the easy way out. I was reminded of this recently during conversations with some folks over the holiday week. We talked about so-called hereditary illnesses — diabetes, high blood pressure, cholesterol problems, heart issues, and the like.

My simple response was this: most of the time, it’s not truly hereditary. It’s that we’re eating the same foods and living the same sedentary lifestyles as the generations before us. What’s passed down isn’t just DNA — it’s habits. It’s culture. It's daily choices around food and movement that stretch on, generation after generation, creating the illusion of inevitability.

Longevity, I firmly believe, has more to do with diet and exercise than it does with a family history of illness. It’s easy to say, “Well, my mama had it,” or, “My granddaddy had it,” but the deeper truth often lies in what was on the dinner table and what kind of life they led.

I think about my mother. She lived to be a vibrant 97 years old.

Growing up, we used to tease her for always snacking on radishes, celery, cottage cheese — all that healthy, “boring” stuff. But now, looking back, I have to believe that her eating habits played a major role in her longevity. She was health-conscious long before it was trendy. She exercised regularly and even had one of the very first stationary workout bikes. (I wish we’d kept it — it’s probably a collector’s item now.)

Even well into her 80s and 90s, my mother stayed active. She cared about her waistline, not out of vanity, but out of a deep respect for her body. She never allowed herself to get too far off track. She lived with intention, and her choices reflected it.

Today, her baby sister is still alive at 100 years old, and her younger brother is pushing 98. They, too, have lived long lives rooted in healthy eating and movement. It’s no coincidence.

It’s fascinating, really. Her family grew up during the 1920s and 1930s, right through the Great Depression.

I remember my sister once asking my mother, “How did you all survive the Depression?” My mother, being half Black and half Mexican, laughed and said, “We didn’t even know there was a Depression — we were already poor.” That kind of resilience shaped her mindset. She would later joke about how you didn’t see Black folks jumping out of windows during those years — because they knew how to endure hardship.

I know I’ve drifted a bit, but the point remains: what we often blame on genetics is really the result of lifestyles passed down unexamined.

I guess I’m reflecting on all this because this morning, I finished my 40-minute martial arts cardio routine — 1,000 punches, 900 kicks in just 40 minutes. I’ll be turning 67 later this year, 2025, and I’m trying every day to make the best choices I can. I eat healthy most of the time. I exercise daily. And we'll see where this path leads.

More than anything, I want to pass down a different kind of inheritance to my children — not one of hereditary illness, but of hereditary health and intentional living. I believe I already see the results: my son is strong, muscular, and disciplined in his workouts, alternating upper and lower body every other day. My daughter, remarkably, has cut sugar completely out of her diet, eats clean, and maintains a consistent gym routine.

Honestly, they’re doing better than I was at their age. When I was young, health wasn’t even a thought in my mind. Like so many others, I took my youth for granted, not realizing that the decisions we make when we feel invincible will either protect us or haunt us later in life.

We all have a choice. We can continue the generational patterns of poor health and call it “heredity,” or we can break the cycle through conscious living. It's not genetics — it's momentum. And it’s up to us to decide which kind of legacy we want to pass on.

Just something to think about.