One of my biggest frustrations is watching people struggle through issues in their lives, knowing they want to change, but feeling powerless to do so. Whether it’s losing weight, reaching a goal, or simply making life better, it hurts to see them stuck. They want something different, yet the change eludes them.
Recently, I had a conversation with a gentleman trying to lose weight. His goal was to return to the weight he was in his younger days, back when he was in the Navy. A couple of months ago, I was impressed to see him making efforts—he was drinking beet juice and genuinely trying something new. But a few weeks later, I noticed he seemed to be gaining weight instead of losing it.
When we spoke again, he admitted he had given up. He told me he didn’t have the discipline, and he attributed my success to my discipline. That’s when I told him the truth—I don’t have as much discipline as he thinks.
You see, when I was younger, I was that guy who smoked the most, drank the most, and partied the hardest. I was reckless with my life. At 28, I gave all of that up, not because I suddenly found immense discipline, but because I decided that wasn’t going to be my life anymore. And I stuck with it. Now, as I approach 66 years old, I’ve maintained that choice for decades.
Here’s the thing: Discipline is when you really want to do something but choose not to, despite overwhelming temptation. It’s a battle. But when you reach a point where you decide that something is no longer part of your life, it’s not discipline anymore. It’s just your new reality. Is it discipline to brush your teeth every morning? Is it discipline to take a shower? No. That’s just who you are and what you do.
This is my message: Anything in life is accomplishable when you determine, "This is who I am now." Many people try to lose weight, for example, by thinking, "For the next 30 or 60 days, I’ll avoid this or that until I reach my goal weight." But that mindset often leads to failure. You’re already setting a finish line for change.
The key is to decide that from now on, this is your new life. You no longer eat certain foods, drink certain things, or live a sedentary life. You work out every day, not as a chore, but because it’s who you are now.
I truly believe I could be a coach—the kind who helps you find your own way. But what I can tell you with certainty is this: If you simply adopt the mindset that “this is my new life,” then everything becomes possible. Between the ages of 50 and 60, I earned my associate degree, my bachelor's degree, and my MBA. At 63, I became a certified scuba diver. I did many other things people associate with discipline, but in reality, I just made a choice. I changed my life.
At 65 years old, I still do cardio every day and eat healthy. It’s not about discipline. It’s just who I am. I shared this with a woman struggling with her health, and she told me that my routine sounded boring. My response? “What’s the alternative?” I believe she would be much happier if she simply made the decision to change her life, instead of fighting temptation over and over again.
When you decide something is no longer a part of your life, you don’t have to suffer through temptation anymore. And if you ever do indulge, you’ll find that it’s unsatisfying. The craving won’t return nearly as often. Why? Because it’s not who you are anymore.
Life Application:
If you’re facing a challenge, whether it’s with health, career, or personal growth, consider shifting your perspective. Stop viewing the change as a temporary fix or something to endure for a little while. Instead, see it as a new chapter in your life. This is who you are now. Your new identity is stronger than the fleeting temptations and struggles you face. Once you commit to that, everything else becomes easier.
Self-Assessment Questions:
What areas of my life am I struggling to change, and why do I think they are so difficult?
Am I approaching these changes with a temporary mindset, or am I willing to make them a permanent part of my life?
What would my life look like if I fully embraced this new identity and stopped seeing change as a battle of discipline?
How can I begin to implement small shifts today that align with the person I truly want to become?
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